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Decoys (2004)

Overall Score: 6 out of 10

They're not what they seem

Starring: Corey Sevier, Stefanie von Pfeffen, Kim Poirier, Elias Toufexis, Meghan Ory, Enis Esmer, Krista Morin, Marc Trottier, Carrie Colak, Richard Burgi, Nicole Eggert, Don Hastings, Sarah Smyth, Leah Graham, Mike Lobel

Director: Matthew Hastings

Running Time: 95 minutes

US MPAA rating: R
UK BBFC rating: 15
Comedy, Horror, Science Fiction

On DVD On DVD

"Belt of Orion?" screams our gas-torch wielding hero. "How about Belt of O'FRYIN'?" Yes folks, it's that time again when I get to review a gleefully-terrible straight-to-video B-movie horror, and love every minute of it. Feeling like you need a bit of a laugh? Well make sure you find yourself a copy of 'Decoys' quick-smart, because I defy anyone to sit through it without near-soiling themselves with hilarity.

Like 'Species' on laughing gas, it's the tale of a Canadian Uni unwittingly infested with man-hungry Martians. Still, you'd think they'd at least be easy to spot, what with their somewhat unsavoury habit of projecting flailing tentacles from their belly-buttons and forcing them down the kissers of any unfortunate male who happens to look twice at them. But no, these inter-galactic visitors are cunning. You see, they've disguised themselves as blonde-haired, large-bosomed hotties, and they won't rest until they've had their wicked way with every bloke in sight.

Perhaps understandably, most of the men on campus seem willing to take their chances regardless. But halls-dwelling fresher Luke (Corey Sevier) isn't just ANY man. He's a man with a kettle, a flame-thrower, and a seemingly bottomless reservoir of horrendously bad Arnie-style one-liners. Please Luke, save us all before it's too late!

It's safe to say 'Decoys' isn't going to be included in anyone's list of all-time greatest sci-fi horror flicks any time soon, but it is a genuinely riotous experience which had my flat-mate and I in stitches from start to finish. I'm still not entirely sure how many of the laughs are intentional, but no matter. It's the sort of film where a man hauled into the police station as chief suspect for a string of murders will happily explain his crackpot theory about babes from space, but omit to mention the fact that he himself has got a rock solid alibi. It's the sort of film where the detective investigating the case (a hammed-up Richard Burgi) repeatedly and inexplicably refers to said suspect as "puppy". It's also the sort of film where the hero dresses up as a Ghostbuster, demands complete strangers show him their navels, and chucks boiling-hot water at people to prove they're not of this earth. Frankly, the guy's clearly mental and should be locked up whether he's correct or not!

DVD Extras: A sneaky look behind the scenes, and a trailer. Extras: 3 out of 10

It's Got: Elias Toufexis, an actor who looks just like a fat Elijah Wood. If you've ever wondered what the offspring of 'The Lord of the Ring's' Frodo and Sam would look like, now's your chance to find out.

It Needs: To be used as conclusive proof that "so bad it's good" should officially be recognised as a genre in its own right.

Alternatives: Species, Decoys 2 (Seriously! It's apparently going to be out in 2005).

Summary: Who needs a good horror movie when you can watch a trouser-wettingly funny one instead? Overall Score: 6 out of 10

Review by Gary Panton
Review Date: 15th December 2004


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External Links

Official Web Site
Decoys at the IMDB

Comments

2 Comments

The 3 Main BLONDES in this Movie are so very, very HOT! Movie wasn't bad either I wonder when Decoys 2 is coming out?
Comment by:- JAGUARDOG | | 26 March 2005 | ip: logged

Absolutely marvellous!
This is the case when you enjoy a low budget movie much more than some zillion dollar box-office hit.
Canadian movie makers rule! :)
Comment by:- M.S. | stillife.ru | 13 April 2005 | ip: logged

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