As usual in the genre of the Tarrantino, Django is based upon the excellent characterisation of quirky characters and their snappy, ultra-cool dialogue – and the massive film geek doesn’t disappoint. Jamie Foxx has been rescued from a shaky period and puts in an awesome performance with plenty of intense staring, surprising comic timing and the ability to make the viewer feel both empathy and revulsion. Christoph Waltz – whom the whole film seems to have been built around – is excellent and he plays a charming character much like his stint in Inglourious Basterds but without the slightly negative Nazi connotations. Finally, DiCaprio has been let out of the house he shares with Martin Scorsese and for once plays the turn of the bad guy and a bit like Henry Fonda in Once Upon a Time in the West doesn’t look out of place at all.

Django also boasts very, very dark and funny humour, a couple of excellent montages set to an eclectic soundtrack and a tone that varies nicely between depressing visions of hell, upbeat buddy japes and engaging action. So far, so very good.

Unfortunately, like my Mum with a piece of prime steak, Tarrantino has overcooked Django and left you wondering what could have been. By the final third of this overlong outing it feels like Django should have long been over. Quite like Inglourious Basterds, Django is incredible in the first half and set up perfectly, only to let you down with a meandering mess of a plot. and seeing QT turn up in final minutes sporting a truly terrible Aussie accent only adds to rub more salt in the wounds. Much of this lies at the feet of a pivotal elongated dinner scene where all the characters are obviously due to find out each other’s hidden agendas and in trying to emulate so many other classic Tarrantino scenes that stick in the memory, he tries to hard and fails to create any of the tension that this scene desperately needed.

‘Whaddya mean obviouso flaws? Mamma Mia, shaddapya face’, retorted Captain Corelli, played by Nicolas Cage with such believability and subtlety. This acting enigma with the predictability of an earthquake has been in some awful films in his time but this is one of the worst. He hams it up to the hills with a very very patchy Italian accent giving him the air of a creep instead of the greasy Italiano lovegod which I assume he for aimed for. The whole film is a mishmash mess of terrible, uncoordinated accents as Anglophones attempt generic Mediterranean accents and German accents whereas others just don’t bother and stick to their mother accent. All of it doesn’t allow you to take it seriously from the off.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin is a terrific smash hit of a book by Louis de Bernieres. It’s funny and romantic whilst being an engaging and accessible look at the Second World War Two for an occupied nation. John Madden’s film adaptation is none of those things – just a big mushfest with Nicholas Cage clowning around and Penelope Cruz looking strangely unattractive.

The story takes place on the small Greek island of Cephalonia during World War Two. Pelegria (Cruz) lives idyllically in this sun-kissed paradise with her Dad (Hurt) and fiancé Mandras (Bale) until the Second World War breaks out and the island is occupied by the Italian and German armies. Whilst Mandras is away Pelagria takes a fancy to a charismatic Italian soldier, Captain Corelli (Cage), which puts her family in danger, especially when the German army ruthlessly set on islanders and the Italians, their former allies.

John Madden and Shawn Slovo must have felt he couldn’t fit all of Louis Bernieres’ amazingly brave and varied 400-page book into one film so he decided to cut it back and linearise it a bit. By that, I mean they took out all the humour, kookiness,  action and politics of the book until just a straight down the middle romance lasting over two hours remained. It’s always going to be the case that some things are going to be missed out from a book but it’s like they decided to take all the worst bits which serve to turn complex characters into cardboard cut outs.  The romance aspect is played out very strangely in the open which just makes you wonder why there are no ramifications when a Greek girl publicly gets together with an invader. Just one of the examples of the punches being pulled.

Please read the book and avoid this like an Italian letch.

Les Mis follows convict-turned-respectable businessman Jean Valjean (Jackman) as he spends 20 years escaping from ruthless policeman Javert (Crowe) and reinventing himself in 18th century France. He adopts the daughter (Allen/Seyfried) of a dead prostitute (Hathaway) and ends up in Paris on the barricades of an attempted revolution.

The movie is unwaveringly true to the spirit of the stage show and importantly, Tom Hooper hasn’t tried to overreach himself. The lavish sets look impressive in the period detail and frame the scenes with the action occasionally breaking out of its shackles. Unlike many recent adaptations of classic novels or shows,  he’s resisted adding huge out-of-place battles and new songs and peripheral characters who speak to today’s kidz.

In terms of performances, Anne Hathaway is so entrancingly intense that she must’ve had her favourite handbag puppy strangled off screen to get the emotions running to such a disturbing level for her short stint on camera – she is immense though. Gladiator and Wolverine at times fail to keep up with their esteemed musical company but because of they act and look the part they never seem to be miscast. Fortunately, Sasha Baron Cohen and Helen Bonham Carter double barrel up the laughs and give some light-hearted respite as there is something about the cinema which makes it less bareable to sit watching an endless merry-go-round of highly emotional close up singing solos than it would be at the theatre. In the end though, there are enough rousing sing-a-longs to keep it enjoyable for the main part.

Taking on a British stage play about a group of quintessentially British OAPs is a strange one for Mr Rain Man to start with but overall Quartet is a resounding success that starts with an objective to entertain in a rather linear fashion and sees it through. Quartet remains solidly within its comfort zone throughout and never actually pushes any boundaries but not every film has to do this. The audience that this will primarily appeal to – over 50s – will love the feelgood factor, simplicity and innocent charm of Dustin Hoffman’s character-driven effort.   

The performances of the main stars are what the entertainment value is built around and with lesser names and without such accomplished and nuanced performances, Hoffman’s vehicle might not be the package it is. Connolly uses his trademark comedic patter to create a wealth of humorous one-liners and interactions with his friends and the staff at the home, Smith delivers lines with her usual aplomb and ex-Eastender Pauline Collins somehow comes across very strongly. The relationships, linkage and obvious chemistry between all the main characters help with the execution. Put together with the musical interludes and dramatic moments, Quartet is a feelgood success.

An extreme tourism visit to the deserted city of Pripyat at the site of the Chernobyl disaster has become the only reason trendy young gadabouts visit Ukraine whilst on a European interrailing trip and it, being both young and trendy myself, was something that tickled my fancy at one point. It was only time before some wily film Director (rightly or wrongly) made this situation into a horror film starring young, pretty American fodder getting lost and attacked by some kind of terror from the radioactive dark. Chernobyl Diaries has Americans Chris (McCartney) and his girlfriend Natalie (Dudley), Chris’s messed up brother Paul (Sadowski) and two tag-a-longs (Berdal and Phillips) who put their trust in ex-military tour guide Uri (Diatchenko). Things obviously go wrong and nasties appear from the dark and a fight for survival ensues.

Chernobyl Diaries is simultaneously well set up and appalling. The morbid scenes as the group explore the ruins of Pripyat (actually filmed in Bulgaria and Serbia as, unsurprisingly, permission wasn’t given to film at Chernobyl itself) whilst distastefully laughing and joking around is nicely captured in an unmelodramatic, eerie fashion but also serves to make the audience want them to die. The characterisation is the big letdown here as the paper-thin characters – especially the two that just appear half way through and have no links to anyone else – are unlikable horror templates who split up way too soon and die randomly with little fanfare. The horror aspect delivers some scares as they venture down to the fallout tunnels but this turns it into a generic horror location plus we never really get to see what is chasing them and even the tiniest of explanations are not offered up.

Overall, it hasn’t lived up to the promising premise and has probably stopped anyone else from taking on this situation and doing it better.

So, the five people that go to the said creepy looking cabin in the woods are the jock (Hemsworth), the slutty girl (Connolly), the intelligent guy (Williams), the stoner (Kranz) and the kooky girl who’s a lot more attactive than she’s made out to be (Hutchinson). The group start acting strangely and then split up and some go wandering off into the woods. All formulaic so far. This is until we find out that a shadowy hi-tech organisation is behind things – but why?

As well as being a bit different, Drew Goddard has not been afraid to mix action, horror staples and dark comedy. It really is quite amusing at times with its satircal swipe at the modern horror movie, and the scenes including Sitterson (Jenkins) and Hadley (Whitford), the two shady scientists having fun with the group, easily stand out. The way the storyline spirals out of control into ridiculousness is also surprisingly pleasing and in doing so gets rid of the ‘happy ending/sad ending?’ dilemma.

I suppose, the downside is that you don’t really care enough about any of the characters to see if they live or die past the first twenty minutes but this isn’t really about them anyway. It’s also a film that best if you know nothing about it beforehand. Sorry.

Balibo is set in 1975 at the time of the controversial invasion of the newly independent republic of East Timor by Indonesia, their nasty neighbours. Trying to bring the world’s attention to this illegal act, five Australian journalists (including Gameau, Grantley and Wright) travel around the country documenting the Indonesian advances but they go missing in mysterious circumstances. The world barely bats an eyelid but this prompts Roger East (LaPaglia), an ageing investigative journalist, to go looking for them with José Ramos-Horta (Isaac), East Timor’s idealistic Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Robert Connolly’s low budget, understated Australian political effort that’s part wartime mini-epic, part mystery-thriller. The story behind what happened to the five journalists is neatly unravelled at a bravely pedestrian pace in a twin narrative as Roger East retraces their steps in present and we then see what happened in the past. Understood? The characterisation is excellent as the build up is not rushed and we get to know the journos and their infectious enthusiasm for the truth and a good story that seemed to be a stock trait of the time before the average journalist seemingly lost his way from the path righteousness. These likeable chaps aren’t made out to be heroes and non of them ever touch a gun and their end is truly tocuhing.

Connolly does try and touch on the experiences of the locals and gives them a limited voice – mostly through Isaac’s charismatic future leader – but ironically, given the issues that Balibo brings up, the movie has probably only gained a worldwide release and recognition because it’s about a bunch of lost white guys in a war that wasn’t theirs. Balibo is a refreshingly unmelodramatic drama about an unjust war that might be quickly forgotten but is an interesting human insight into a time in history you probably don’t know about.

Peter Jackson’s adaptation follows a young (by Hobbit standards) Bilbo Baggins (Freeman) who’s whisked away on a great adventure against his will when Gandalf the wizard (McKellen) and a group of raucous dwarves turn up at his house one day. Curious, he joins them as they journey to the lonely mountain to get back their gold and lost underground kingdom from Smaug the dragon. Well, the first bit happens in this part and the rest will happen later.

The Hobbit really is a continuation of The Lord of The Rings – there’s the same music and characters, very similar scenes and lots of running over hills. Another six hours of this and the thought that one day someone will probably try and get me to watch all LOTR and TH movies back-to-back, is just daunting. It feels like Jackson is trying to wring every drop out the book as the prolonged Rivendell scene is quite painful and the inserted giant’s fight just looks ridiculous. It’s also quite hard to root very anyone as the regionally voiced dwarves are all quite alike and Bilbo, played spot on by Martin Freeman, is true to the book but at this stage not a likeable lead.

Don’t get me wrong, The Hobbit is not a bad film as there still lots of great action, it looks good (except for the 48 frames per second filming sometimes takes a bit of realism from any fast movement) and in the long run there is an interesting story to be told. Gollum (Serkis) is the best we’ve ever seen him in the entertaining riddle scene and there are enough amusing bits to keep it lighthearted.

Just don’t go into the cinema with high hopes (or dressed as Gandalf) and you’ll be satisfied, if not bowled over.

Based on a much darker and more intricate manga and anime series, Shûsuke Kaneko’s Death Note follows super smart Light Yamagi (Fujiwara) who stumbles across a magic book that allows its owner to kill anyone he wants merely by writing the person’s name in it. At first, Light uses it for good by only killing criminals and overly caricatured bad guys but when L (Matsuyama), a secretive, maverick young sleuth with an obsession with sugar, goes after him with the full force of the law, Light begins to use it much more selfishly to save his own skin.

Like with a lot of Japanese culture, it has to be approached in the right frame of mind. It’s easy to mock the absurdly placed, poorly drawn anime god of death that’s thrown into the thick of a live action movie, the asexual relationships being played out by characters in Japanese schoolgirl outfits, the adult Chief of Police following every order of a very strange teenager, the amazing array of amusingly faked heart attacks and the way that a shed load of people randomly dying doesn’t really make the people of Japan bat an eyelid – it’s a case of why rather than how for them.

Instead look at the positives of an engaging movie based around an interesting concept. It’s actually a fairly mildly acted movie for these parts as despite the character of Light actually being a psychopathic monster, he’s acted well enough to come across as a cocky teen to root for. L is played with enough disturbing menace to make you wonder about his origins and root of him too. The plot uses the rules of the book of death to create a fairly complex story that offers a couple of surprises and will keep you pretty hooked throughout as it doesn’t pull any punches. Although it slightly uncomfortably straddles the line between an episode of Goosebumps and an adult movie, Death Note is still quite impressive.

Rob Cohen (The Fast and The Furious) really does do a poor directing job all round and Alex Cross is basically a 1970s made for TV movie in its extremely amateurish execution and has no place in today’s world of film. You’d think that someone who could make Vin Diesel semi-watchable could pull this off but it just wasn’t to be. The plot is very basic and straightforward, easy to predict and not exactly taxing whilst the character development is non-existent.

Importantly, Tyler Perry is no Morgan Freeman. In fact, he’s no Adam Sandler or Hulk Hogan either. He’s not alone in the bad acting stakes as Fox flounders and Carmen Ejogo shares no chemistry with Perry as Cross’s wife. It’s not entirely their fault as they’re dealing with paperthin characters with unclear motives and appalling, unrealistic dialogue. The action is not bad, except when the mega-shaky cam comes into play, but maybe that’s just because the characters stop talking for a minute. There are so many good thrillers out there, don’t bother watching this one as I think I’ve given you enough reasons.