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Sleepover (2004)

The rules are set. The game is on.

Rating: 2/10

Running Time: 97 minutes

US Certificate: PG UK Certificate: PG

In any sane world, there would be a modern-day female equivalent of Borstal for the self-obsessed, amok-running girlie toe-rags who make up the character list of bottom-feeding tweeny caper ‘Sleepover’. Unfortunately, this isn’t a sane world – it’s a crap one, and sub-Lohan adolescent brats like those seen in this offering are freely allowed to populate it without even the slightest threat of being thrown face-first down the nearest well. It’s madness, I tell you.

Now, there are certain teen flicks I have a lot of time for. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is one of them. ‘Ten Things I Hate About You’ is another I’m a big fan of. More recently, I thought this year’s Saved! made for great viewing. But for every one of those, there’s a giant putrid heap of dross incorporating the likes of The Lizzie Mcguire Movie, What a Girl Wants and, now, ‘Sleepover’.

Take the title on face value at your peril. This is a flick where “sleepovers” play precious little part. Sure, at first it’s a story about 14-year-old Julie (Alexa ‘Spy Kids’ Vega) inviting three of her pals over to stay the night. But, before long, they’re on the Internet fixing up dates with strangers, joyriding through the streets in other people’s cars, trying to order liquor in a nightclub they’ve snuck in to, and harassing and stealing from the local security guard (rare shining light Steve Carell, who’s much better than this drivel). Frankly, it’s a parent’s nightmare, and worst of all is the fact that these kids are portrayed as the good ones.

You haven’t heard the half of it though, as I’m yet to tell you the justification for this celebration of whippersnappering. Why do these kids do what they do? Not, as Billie Piper might suggest, “because they want to”, but because – and get this – they need to prove they’re worthy of a seat beside the cool kids at High School lunch hour! Oh, that makes it all alright then!

It's Got: A chubby girl (Kallie Flynn Childress) getting to hook up with the geek of her dreams in one of the film’s tenuous attempts at moralising.

It Needs: Morrissey’s ‘You’re The One For Me, Fatty’ on the soundtrack.

Summary

If your kids tell you they want to see this film, lock them in their bedrooms and put an instant freeze on their pocket money. They’ll thank you for it when they’re older.