Open the box or take the money?
Rating: 4/10
Running Time: 130 minutes
UK Certificate: 12A
Is it just me, or is Lara Croft, Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life a ridiculously long title? It sounds like three separate movies perish the thought. The two Tomb Raider movies weve now had are more than enough for anyone to be expected to put up with.
The good news is that this ones better than Simon Wests original but then, so are most things. This time you can very nearly distinguish some sort of storyline. Not a particularly good storyline, granted, but youve got to start somewhere. It involves Indiana Jones-wannabe Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie) attempting to track down the legendary Pandoras Box before the token gang of rotters get their mits on it and all Hell, quite literally, breaks loose.
Once again, Jolie gets to try on all manner of tight-fitting costumes as she punches, kicks and blasts her way across the globe. Joining her along the way is wooden Weegie Gerard Butler as stubble-jawed love interest Terry, plus long-standing helpers Bryce (Noah Taylor) and Hillary (Chris Barrie). Various other characters move in and out of the proceedings along the way, with no explanation put forward as to who they are or where theyve come from.
One or two scenes particularly one towards the end where hulking great monsters climb out of the trees arent actually all that bad. But put together its all pretty meaningless and mediocre stuff with far too many contrivances and implausibilities. Jolie, for what its worth, would make a great Wonder Woman but this particular character has long outstayed her welcome on the big screen.
Lets just pray theres no number 3 just imagine how long the title of THAT one would be.
It's Got: That Lara Croft thinking shes just sooooooo clever. Not clever enough to wear a helmet when shes riding her motorbike though, is she? Eh?
It Needs: Chris Barrie to stop involving himself with pap like this and get on with making our Red Dwarf movie. (Ed: Yes, yes, yes!!)
Summary
Its watching films like this that make you really appreciate just how good the Indiana Jones movies really are.