A romantic comedy about love, destiny and other events you just cant plan for
Rating: 1/10
Running Time: 103 minutes
UK Certificate: PG
On DVD
The Wedding Planner is one of the most horrendous film experiences Ive ever had the immense displeasure to sit through. Tracking the romantic tribulations of the clinically witless, it starts poorly, gets progressively worse, and treads water for only a few seconds before veering off into the realms of the mind-shatteringly crap.
Jennifer Lopez is Mary, and shes a wedding planner hence the title. She thinks itll finally be her turn to walk down the aisle when her life is (sort of) saved by passing paediatrician Steve (Matthew McConaughey), and the pair then enjoy a seemingly perfect date watching old movies in the local park. Unfortunately for Mary, slimeball Steve turns out to be the groom in her next big project. Well, I certainly didnt see that one coming
Of course, were expected to appreciate that Mary and Steve are the ones who should really be together, but its tough to give a monkeys when the pairing is so completely devoid of any sort of spark or chemistry. McConaugheys carved out a nice niche for himself as Hollywoods heart-throb for the brain-dead, but if he cant even make himself convincingly look like he fancies J-Lo (which surely cant be all that difficult) then you have to wonder what acting role he ever WILL appear comfortable in. Hopefully one involving him being repeatedly pounded across the side of the head by a dull, heavy object. Now theres a movie Id pay to see.
As various sickeningly-uplifting ballads belt out in the background, this puddle of warm smelly sick takes us down one dimly-lit formulaic alleyway after another, seeming almost to boast about how just predictable any one movie can get. Certainly, managing not to carry one single moment of even mild humour is quite an achievement.
Most films this bad at least have the courtesy to let us know about it in advance by casting either Nicole Kidman or Martin Lawrence this one doesnt even get that right. The U.S. authorities should make convicted serial-killers watch it as an alternative to the death sentence. Mind you, it could be a bit of a struggle finding anyone whod give up a place on the electric chair in favour of watching this.
It's Got: A fantastic moment where The End comes up on the screen.
It Needs: For that moment to come about 103 minutes sooner.
DVD Extras Deleted scenes (just imagine how bad a scene has to be to get cut out of a movie THIS head-numbingly awful), a Making Of, original theatrical trailer, and a directors commentary. DVD Extras Rating: 6/10
Summary
If they show movies in Hell, this ones right up there near the top of the playlist.