Running Time: 92 minutes
US Certificate: R UK Certificate: 15
Country: United States
Its a known fact that the Versus film wipes the floor with all others. Over the years its given us Kramer vs. Kramer, Freddy vs. Jason, Alien vs. Predator, and Im still crossing my fingers in the hope that one day someone will make Die Hard vs. Terminator (because lets face it once that ones been made, therell be no point in anyone else even ATTEMPTING to top it with something better).
But, while we wait for Hollywood to get its rear-end in gear and give us the John McClane-against-Arnie face-off the planet craves so desperately, heres a little something to fill the time: Boa vs Python. Its about this great big 100-foot boa who, one day, is forced to go scale-to-scale with an equally massive python! Great stuff! And its even got a naked girlie in it! Seriously, just try looking anyone in the eye and telling them that this isnt the best idea for a movie youve ever heard in your entire miserable life. You cant do it. It cant be done. So there.nnThe whole thing kicks off when thrill-seeking big-game hunter (Adam Kendrick) invites a gaggle of like-minded types to trap and kill the humongous boa constrictor hes somehow managed to bio-engineer (strangely, the science behind this feat is never quite explained). Of course, the monster escapes and embarks on a bloody rampage on the outskirts of Philadelphia, so what do the FBI do? Thats right – they head for the Institute of Bloody Great Boas and get themselves a giant snake of their own. And, before you can say this surely isnt helping matters, big ol slitherer number two has been released with the mission of tracking down and killing the meddlesome python. Genius.
Anyone who knows and loves amateurish tongue-in-cheek B-movie horror should be in their element with this one. Its silly and it knows it the actings terrible, the scripts cheesy (Die you slithering piece of shit!), and the special effects look like theyve been created on a ZX Spectrum. But how could anyone fail to love a movie which revels in its own crapness quite as much as this one? As someone whos watched a Helluva lot of pretentious up-its-own-arse cinema over the last few years (The Hours has suddenly popped into my head for some reason), I saw Boa Vs. Python as a breath of fresh air. It doesnt try to be anything its not if you pick this up from your local DVD rental store, youre getting exactly what you pay for. It just so happens that in this case youre paying for an hour-and-a-half of gleefully bad nonsense about two massive snakes beating the living snot out of each other.
It's Got: The python finding its way into a packed nightclub but its not all bad news, because it eats the DJ.
It Needs: Jaime Bergman to mention her implants a few times more often you just cant flog a good ol double entendre gag often enough.
DVD Extras Theres but a trailer. DVD Extras Rating: 1/10
Alternatives:Anaconda, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, Python, Python 2
Anyone whos scared of snakes should probably give this one a miss. Ditto anyone suffering from phobias of wooden acting and really bad special effects.