Baby Geniuses 2
Meet the new generation of superheroes.
Running Time: 88 minutes
US Certificate: PG UK Certificate: U
Country: Germany, United Kingdom, United States
Jean Bobbins (Vanessa Angel), who runs the day care centre in Superbabies, has a question that shes always wondered about: when babies coo and gurgle and squelch, are they communicating with each other? Sure, maybe they are. I suppose its a possibility. Cant see why not. But surely the bigger question is: are they actually saying anything worthwhile? The answer, if the writers of this guff have anything to do with it, is a big fat smelly no.
This whole-heartedly unwelcome sequel to 1999s similarly insipid Baby Geniuses places us uncomfortably in the company of a gaggle of nappy-clad brats whose ability to converse amongst themselves is matched only by their ability to irritate surely every sane-minded viewer on the planet. Led by a supposedly legendary super-tot by the name of Kahuna, they dress up as superheroes and set out to foil the scheming ways of nasty media mogul Bill Biscane (Jon Voight, adopting a German accent so bad that I half-suspected he might have been auditioning for a part in a comeback series of Allo Allo). Biscane plans to use satellite transmissions to contaminate the minds of the small and the stinky which might seem terrible at first, until you realise that whatever it is he plans on broadcasting, it cant be any worse than this movie. So bring it on, I say.
I have to admit I often enjoy settling down to a crap movie. After all, to use an extremely old cliché, many of them are so bad that theyre good – but Superbabies is just so bad that it really is horrendously bad. Even disregarding the nonsensical plot, witless dialogue and cack-handed direction (Porkys helmsman Bob Clark should be punched repeatedly in the stomach for involving himself in this), theres quite simply no chance of overturning a single hidden redeeming feature in all that is left. You see, its not just that the films rubbish its that its creepy. In fact, its much, much creepier than any horror movie you could care to mention. In one scene, a baby gets involved in a fist fight with a group of adults who actually fight back. Theres just something intrinsically wrong and obnoxious about that.
It's Got: Babies taking risks.
It Needs: Babies taking rusks.
Alternatives:Baby Geniuses, Look Who's Talking
This detestable baby bunkum makes Look Whos Talking look like Citizen Kane.