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Glitter (2001)

All that glitters definitely isn’t gold

Starring:

Da Brat

Dorian Harewood

Eric Benet

Mariah Carey

Max Beesley

Padma Lakshmi

Terrence Howard

Tia Texada

Valarie Pettiford

Directed by:

Vondie Curtis-Hall

Rating: 1/10

Running Time: 104 minutes

UK Certificate: PG

On DVD

Country: United States

You'll struggle to find a more woefully misguided attempt at launching a successful movie cross-over from a pop face than “Glitter”, the appallingly bad Mariah Carey vehicle from 2001.

Even members of Carey's inexplicably huge fanbase would be excused for giving an extremely wide berth to this ultra-shallow exercise in pointlessness. Carey's incomprehensible wailing provides a permanent backdrop to her role as club-singer-made-good Billie Frank, a woman who wears more make-up than Barbara Cartland. Ditched as a child by her boozehound mother, Billie's part as the voice in a Milli-Vanilli-style record scam gets her spotted by a middle-ranking record producer (Max Beesley). He's called Dice, and it doesn't matter that that's not a proper name – all that matters is he's one “fly DJ”, wears ridiculously over-sized jewellery, and inevitably ends up wooing our more-often-than-not partially-dressed heroine.

As well as being hugely uninteresting, Dice is also the jealous type, and can't hack it any more when Billie starts attracting the attentions of a dreadlocked smoothie (Eric Benet) at a showbiz party. The pair break up, thus leading us nicely to the most cringe-inducing part of the entire film when the two of them sit in opposite sides of town somehow simultaneously writing the same bad song.

“Glitter” never pretends to be anything other than a showcase for Carey's talents, though don't ask me what those talents are – your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps “Litter” would have been a more appropriate title?

It's Got: An ending clearly intended to reduce the viewer to tears – and it actually succeeds. Just a pity it’s for all the wrong reasons.

It Needs: To be at least slightly realistic. Carey’s character is supposed to be globally famous, yet she wanders the streets on her own completely unhassled by passers-by. Surely Mariah would have been able to point out that that’s not the way it works?

DVD Extras Director’s commentary, filmographies, music vids and theatrical trailer. DVD Extras Rating: 3/10

Alternatives:

8 Mile, Coyote Ugly, Purple Rain, What's Love Got To Do With It?

Summary

This drawn-out pseudo-melodramatic pile of doo-doo should be used to extract information out of murder suspects.

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