Not all souls can be saved.
Rating: 3/10
US Certificate: PG-13 UK Certificate: 15
Just when Nicholas Cage was making me think that he’d got back to his best, he’s gone and ruined it all with Season of the Witch – a laughable American-made medieval romp. Old crazy face had bounced back with a vengeance recently in Bad Lieutenant and Kick-Ass after the abominations that were National Treasure and it’s dire sequel, Next, the remake of The Wicker Man and Bankok Dangerous, and things looked a little brighter – until now.
Season of the Witch is about Behman, a Crusader (Cage) returning to a fourteenth century England ravaged by the plague. The church is blaming the whole fiasco on sorcery and they’ve got a witch so they send a group – including Behman, a priest, a grieving knight and a headstrong youth – to escort her to an Abbey where they’re going to do some sort of ritual to appease God. Behman promises to treat her fairly as he’s become bored of raping and pillaging but when the embattled group arrive at the Abbey something mysterious happens that will test them to their limits.
If you are going to make a medieval period piece and put in a lot of effort to make it look authentic then why totally give up with the acting and dialogue? Watching Cage and Perlman and a few others chatting like they’re cruising around LA, I kept expecting to see a skinny Latte pop up or Cage to call his mate ‘dude’. Even Stephen Graham – a Brit – comes across as a Brooklyn cab driver. It makes last year’s Black Death look like Shakespeare. Come to think of it, where was Sean Bean? He’s normally in any kind of dross that lets him prance around with a sword.
Some will argue that this is so good it’s bad or that it’s a homage to Hammer horror but don’t be fooled, it’s just plain bad. It’s not just the acting, it’s the clichés, poor production values, anachronisms and ridiculous action scenes. Avoid like the proverbial bubonic.
It's Got: Clichés, anachronisms, ridiculous action
It Needs: English accents, better production values, a haircut for Mr Cage
Summary
A laughable American-made Medieval romp ruined by clichés, anachronisms, ridiculous action and dialogue and Nicholas Cage. Avoid like the plague.