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Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003)

Bigger. Bolder. Blonder

Rating: 2/10

Running Time: 95 minutes

UK Certificate: PG

I thought I’d had all I could take of Reese Witherspoon’s pearly-whites in the first, woefully unfunny, revoltingly-chipper ‘Legally Blonde’ movie. I was wrong. NOW I’ve had enough.

Witherspoon returns to once again impose her forced grin on every scene as Elle Woods, the fluffy pink ball of sick last seen graduating from Harvard Law School and heading off into the sunset to launch her own legal career. Now she’s a legal eagle with a bee in her Versace bonnet about cosmetics companies testing on animals, so she makes for Washington with her over-developed heart set on changing things.

An extremely tired-looking Sally Field is the senator who can’t seem able to make her mind up about whether to back Elle or stand in her way, whilst Regina King is the cynical office worker with an understandable distaste for all things pink. King basically plays the same role as Selma Blair in the first movie and, predictably, ends up ditching her sceptical ways and siding with our smiley starlet. Why?? Stick to your guns, woman! You were right the first time!

Sub-plots about Elle’s marriage to boyfriend Emmett (Luke Wilson) and her pet dog’s blossoming homosexuality offer precious little respite from the hollow messages about self-belief and being nice to animals. As an animal-lover myself, I should probably be punching the air with glee at seeing this sort of subject matter make it to the silver screen. Unfortunately, it’s much easier to love an animal than it is to love Elle Woods.

There’s only so much American land-of-the-free-ism I can have rammed down my throat before it becomes time for that up-chuck reflex to engage itself. If that’s the intention of ‘Legally Blonde 2’, then it hits just the spot. On the other hand, if it’s the creation of a feel-good reaction they’re after – which , sadly, seems a bit more likely – then this is an unmitigated disaster. I couldn’t have left the theatre feeling much worse.

It's Got: Sinister manufactured happiness.

It Needs: To bury the Elle Woods character NOW!


You can put as much pink fluff and perfume on a pile of doggy doo as you like. It’s still a pile of doggy doo.