New Reviews
Divergent
Django Unchained
Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Les Misérables
Quartet
Chernobyl Diaries
The Cabin in the Woods
Balibo

Evita (1996)

The story of Eva Peron

Directed by:

Alan Parker

Rating: 2/10

Running Time: 134 minutes

UK Certificate: PG

On DVD

Country: United States

I think it best to point out from the off that I’m not entirely against musicals. I mean, hey – I love Little Shop of Horrors! And ‘Bugsy Malone’? Great stuff. But ‘Evita’, I’ve decided, is not a musical. It’s a noise. That’s the only way I can describe a film that substitutes good quality individual songs for the needless warbling of every last word, never stopping to care whether there’s any sort of decent melody involved or not. From start to finish, ‘Evita’ is just one long, painful 134-minute noise.

Madonna struggles her way through the role of Eva Peron, the third most famous thing to come out of Argentina after Diego Maradona and tax evasion. In the first half of the 20th Century, she became the missus of Argentinean president Juan Peron (here played by Jonathan Pryce), and swiftly won over the working classes with her humble background and nice hair.

Told via the remarkably tuneless music of Andrew Lloyd Webber, watching the film is genuinely exhausting, with every 20 minutes feeling more like two hours. God knows how long this thing would have dragged on for if the poor woman had actually lived beyond her 30s. Yet, despite its mind-numbing length, the plot itself seems rushed and tells us little about who “Evita” actually was. Tim Rice’s lyrics, if you can be bothered making the huge effort required to listen to them, offer little insight into why any of the events covered are actually happening, and much of what is being sung is basically nonsense.

Others taking part include craggy-faced Geordie Jimmy Nail as a bar-room crooner (which must be a real drag considering he sings each sentence in everyday life anyway) and Irish songstress Andrea Corr as Pressie Juan’s bit on the side. Most bizarre of all, however, is Antonio Banderas in a role akin to that squeaky-voiced teen from ‘The Simpsons’ who literally works everywhere. Wherever the story moves, Banderas is there – sweeping the floor, waiting on tables, working the projector in the President’s private cinema. It seems he can do just about anything except sing without making silly over-exaggerated faces.

It's Got: Lots of weeping. Well, at least it’s a break from the singing.

It Needs: Considerably better music (the ditty about wanting to be part of the “Buenos Aires big apple” is particularly awful).

DVD Extras It doesn’t have any. DVD Extras Rating: 0/10

Alternatives:

Chicago, Moulin Rouge

Summary

Dreadful songs being poorly sung and a story being poorly told. I’d rather listen to fingernails being dragged along a blackboard than have to sit through this again.

Database ERROR: Access denied for user ''@'localhost' (using password: NO)Database Error: Access denied for user ''@'localhost' (using password: NO)

2 Comments

  1. DS
    Posted July 23, 2010 at 11:56 pm | Permalink

    It’s too bad you didn’t enjoy it, because millions find the music absolutely wonderful and the movie’s known for being phenominal. The problem with you isn’t that it’s a bad movie, it’s that you don’t personally have the receptors it takes to enjoy it. Sorry.

  2. Gabriel
    Posted August 19, 2016 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

    I agree with everything except your assessment of Antonio Banderas’ performance. He was actually the best thing in this movie. His singing was done with fire and conviction. Everything else was bland razzle dazzle, and poor Jonathan Pryce was criminally underused.

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*