A philosophical romantic comedy about breaking up
Running Time: 73 minutes
UK Certificate: 18
Country: United Kingdom
Billed as the first UK lesbian feature in a decade, Do I Love You? was the runaway success of last years London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival, and has already scooped a couple of awards on the international film fest circuit. With that in mind, you have to wonder just how OTT the plaudits would be if it was actually any good and not the pile of plopsy it really is.
With both the production values and acting standards of a Youve Been Framed home video, this self-engrossed dull-heap by comedienne-turned-director Lisa Gornick is, in all seriousness, the worst film I have ever had the extreme discomfort to sit through. It truly is rank awful.
Gornick herself takes the lead role as dyke-on-a-bike Marina, a tedious sap of a woman who cycles aimlessly around London philosophising on and on (and on some more) about love, life and lesbianism. She has occasional liaisons with the platoon of like-minded ladies thrown into the mix, one foul-mouthed altercation with a bloke in a car, and even a glimpse of man-bum. Meanwhile, her equally-sappy friends sit around in minimalist flats (each of which have rooms so bare you cant help but suspect theyve been hired at the last minute for filming), discussing Guardian articles on lesbianism and droning insipidly on about the self. Honestly, who in the world talks like these people?
Theres no plotline here, and neither is there any let-up from the constant dissection of the films one and only subject lady-on-lady action. At no point in the proceedings does any single line of the dialogue mention anything other than lesbianism, what its like to be a lesbian, or why lesbians are lesbians in the first place. And, if you think Ive started using the word lesbian far too much, just try watching the film. In fact, scrap that idea and dont bother. Lifes far too short to waste it on watching skull-numbing cack like this.
It's Got: Brendan Gregory looking a bit like a moustache-less Des Lynam.
It Needs: A good shake.
Do I love you? No. Definitely not.