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The Cat in the Hat (2003)

Dr. Seuss The Cat in the Hat

Dont mess with the hat.

Rating: 1/10

Running Time: 82 minutes

UK Certificate: PG

‘The Cat in the Hat’, great Dr Seuss book,

We should make it a film, we should give it a look! –

That’s what they said up at ol’ Universal,

So they called up Mike Myers and went straight to rehearsal.

– It worked with ‘The Grinch’, they’ve done it before!

Only not with a cat, who walks in through the door.

We’ll make it real funny, we’ll make it real bright,

But we’ll cut out that bit where the Things fly the kite. –

We’ll cast Alec Baldwin! We’ll cast Kelly Preston!

We’ll cast that kid Fanning, and cast Spencer Breslin.

We’ll cast Paris Hilton, she’ll give us a dance, –

But does it all work? Oh no, not a chance.

You see, there’s a problem – the book’s far too small!

So they make up their own bits, and that’s where they fall.

They bend it and change it and wreck the whole story,

The result is as fun as a night with a Tory.

To make matters worse they don’t give up there,

They take out the charm and they take out the care.

Myers tries to be zany, Myers tries to be clever,

But nobody’s laughing, not now and not ever.

I know it’s light-hearted, I know he’s just toying,

But that Cat in the Hat, he sure is annoying.

So I didn’t like it, not one little bit,

It’s mostly because it’s a big pile of


It's Got: No point to it whatsoever.

It Needs: To have never been made.


Watch an all-time classic children’s book being destroyed before your very eyes. Awful. Just awful.