Surprises are kept to a minimum in the polished but uninspired White Oleander. In fact, the only thing it might let you in on that you didnt already know is that the title actually refers to a flower. Its a poisonous flower which, as it happens, doesnt really have a heck of a lot to do with this film, other than the fact that its briefly used as a gimmicky murder weapon (thats obviously something the makers of Cluedo will need to try to work into their next edition).
The plant-plucking assassin in question is the arty-farty arsey-tarsy painter Ingrid (a bored-looking Michelle Pfeiffer), who for some reason is going out with crass bearded Scotsman Barry (Billy Connolly you can see how he got the role). When Barry stops screaming wee jobby for long enough to snuff it, Ingrid gets a life sentence for love in the first degree, as Bananarama would put it. Well, that and murder. Meanwhile, teenage daughter Astrid (Alison Lohman) is left to be dragged from one troubled foster home to the next.
From that point on its really Astrids story, and it has to be said that serious questions should really be asked of her local social services department. Among those trusted to look after her are a drunken gun-toting Jesus-bothering crack whore played by Robin Wright Penn, and Renee Zellweger as a moping suicidal failure. Honestly, whos checking up on these people?
Based on the novel by Janet Fitch, if it wasnt for the involvement of several high-profile names youd expect to see it popping up on Channel 5s afternoon schedule. In other words, when nobodys watching. It alludes to melodrama, but none of the cast really seem to have enough of their heart in it to produce the goods. The production values are faultless, the direction absolutely fine, and the storyline always engaging enough to hold the attention. Unfortunately, in each of those departments it lacks the necessary spark to make it anything other than instantly forgettable.