New Reviews
Divergent
Django Unchained
Captain Corelli's Mandolin
Les Misérables
Quartet
Chernobyl Diaries
The Cabin in the Woods
Balibo

The Calcium Kid (2004)

He doesnt just beat his opponents... He creams them.

Directed by:

Alex De Rakoff

Rating: 3/10

Running Time: 89 minutes

US Certificate: R UK Certificate: 15

On DVD

Country: United Kingdom

You’ve got to hand it to Orlando Bloom. Despite clearly being rubbish, he’s so far managed to chalk up appearances in a host of major blockbusters – and ‘Ned Kelly’. Perhaps, though, there’ll be more than a few people who rent the atrocious Brit-com ‘Calcium Kid’, point out the fact that Bloomers actually manages to be one of the better things about it, and suggest that he’s finally found his level. Ooh, we’re a nasty old bunch, aren’t we?

This rank rotten mockumentary charts the build-up to a world championship middle-weight boxing bout, in which Bloom’s Jimmy Connelly is set to compete after accidentally injuring the original contestant (Tamer Hassan). Despite having never taken part in a proper fight in his life, our Jimmy is taken on by ratty promoter Herbie Bush (Omid Djalili), handed the moniker “Calcium Kid” (because of his real life occupation as a milk man), and thrown in at the deep end to go one-on-one with top Mexican-American pugilist Jose Mendez (Michael Pena).

Chock-full of terrible, predictable jokes and horrendously under-developed characters (Billie “Because We Want To” Piper is on-board as Jimmy’s love interest, but only manages five lines), this scabby-budgeted comedy takes a dive in the first round and never gets back up. The only participant who manages to raise even a hint of a smile is Rafe Spall as Jimmy’s best mate Stan – like pretty much everyone else in the film, he’s playing a poorly thought-out caricature, but at least he shows a bit of comic talent and, more importantly in this case, the ability to flog a dead horse.

It's Got: More product placement for milk than you’re ever likely to see outside of a dairy farm – and Hell, let’s face it, at least the cows there are more likely to give you a bit of a laugh.

It Needs: To throw in the towel.

DVD Extras Deleted scenes, out-takes, and – get this – some footage of the auditions for ‘Billy Elliott: The Musical’. If ever there was something to make you want to take the toaster into the bath with you, it’s that last one. DVD Extras Rating: 3/10

Alternatives:

Black Ball, Mike Bassett: England Manager

Summary

A boxing comedy minus the punch line.

Image Gallery

The Calcium Kid click for full size image The Calcium Kid click for full size image The Calcium Kid click for full size image The Calcium Kid click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image The Calcium Kid	 click for full size image
There are 10 images available in our gallery. Click on the thumbnail pictures for the full size images or view the full gallery

Post a Comment

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*