Rating: 3/10
Running Time: 98 minutes
UK Certificate: 12a
Dear oh dear oh dear why did you do it, Jackie? What in the name of sweet Moses could you possibly have been thinking of?
Firstly, to nail my colours to the mast, I'm a huge fan of Mr Chan's. But even I'm finding it a real struggle to defend his involvement in this lacklustre pseudo-comedy with it's laugh-an-hour script, schoolboy direction and, worst of all, dull-as-dishwater fight scenes. That's right, dull. Whoever heard of a Jackie Chan film where the fight scenes are dull? Well, hats off to director Kevin Donovan, because in The Tuxedo he somehow manages to pull it off. Thanks a million.
Chan plays Jimmy Tong, a bungling New York cabbie who takes a job chauffeuring smoothy secret-agent Clark Devlin (Jason Isaacs) to Burger King and the like. Following an unlikely accident involving a skateboard, Devlin ends up hospitalised and faithful Jimmy decides to take on his identity as you would. Oh yeah, and there's a fairly nifty suit involved as well (hence the title), which allows our hapless hero to utilise all manner of gadgets and suddenly turn into erm Jackie Chan.
Along for the ride is Jennifer Love Hewitt who, when she's not tossing her hair around, wearing low-cut dresses and generally spending a lot of time leaning forward, is supposed to be helping our Jimmy foil a super-side-burned baddie Hell-bent on contaminating the world's water supply.
If JLH could actually combine some of her increasingly-monotonous pouting with even the most basic level of comedy timing, then perhaps this wouldn't be quite so bad. Then again, there'd still be that awful script to contend with. And even then the camera would probably still spend its entire time focussed on her breasts.
It's Got: Godfather of Soul James Brown in cameo mode.
It Needs: To stop asking Jackie Chan to act and let him concentrate on doing what hes good at throwing himself around like a nutter.
Summary
In whats essentially Rush Hour minus the wit, Chan looks lost without the quick-wittedness of a Chris Tucker-type to take some of the attention away from his obvious lack of acting ability. And thats coming from someone who likes him.