Theres something strangely endearing about Sorority Row, not because its good or anything, but because its reminiscent of something youd find in the 80s, or that you might happen across on some late-night cable show. It offers nothing original, its a messy stew of clichés and predictability, and MAN is there a letdown with the killer, but Ive seen worse.
Just like you knew it would, things start to go horribly wrong at a sorority party full of bubbles and booze. Seems the gals of Theta Pi have decided to exact revenge against the poor dude who dared to cheat on their sister Megan (Audrina Partridge) by making him think he killed her with bad Rufees. Megan winds up for-reals dead, though, and the guilty parties all decide to toss her down a mineshaft and pretend she just went missing. This leads to a whole I know what you did-style series of offings until the big killer is revealed.
All the sisters on the Row are perfectly decent in their roles — of them all, Rumer Willis can actually obviously act, even if for most of the film she walks around crying, and Leah Pipes is a convincing bitch –, and some of the killings are pretty inspired. . Thats where my recommendation ends, though, unless somehow you get to see it for free. Its as if someone, or a group of someones, got together and said, Hey, lets take the clichés wed normally use in a parody of a slasher film and put them all in an actual slasher film and can we get Carrie Fisher? I mean, its not like anyone was trying to say this was going to revolutionize the horror genre, and to its credit, it seems to know its place and what its supposed to do. But really, at what point do we start to want more for our movie buck? Fine, maybe itll make a good, cheap rental in a few months, but knowing youre an unoriginal, flat generalization of a horror movie with a boring twist ending that is only remotely watchable doesnt excuse you from being the waste of time and money you are. It wasnt that it was disappointing, because I dont think there were any expectations that it would be good, and again, if you were watching this at two in the morning on a cable show hosted by a guy with props and a fake Dracula accent, its an OK watch. But for money, away from your couch, not so much.