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Furry Vengeance (2010)

Rating: 2/10

I like a lot of the components of this movie—Brendan Fraser, Brooke Shields, ferrets—and despite the loud inner voice telling me that there would be nothing redeemable to give this alleged family comedy even a semblance of watchability, I gave it a shush and reminded it that we (inner voice and I) are closet fans of talking animal movies. Inner voice is no longer speaking to me except to gloat.

The set-up is this—real estate developer Dan Sanders (Fraser) is re-located to Oregon with his wife (Shields) and teenage son (Matt Prokop) when his boss (Ken Jeong) decides to level a forest and build a mall. Soon, though, Dan is the victim of a campaign by the local wildlife to thwart his evil plan and save their woodland home, though, of course, no one believes him. Critters abound, thanks due in part to the wonder of CG, and Dan suffers much pain and humiliation whilst learning ,,, well, something, I suppose.

Who knows what anyone who signed on to be any part of this film was thinking. Fraser has a good career, balancing weightier fare like Gods and Monsters and Crash with adventures like The Mummy and Inkheart, while even being remembered for a spirited turn in the live action George of the Jungle. Shields, Jeong, Angela Kinsey—these are all people who KNOW how to be funny. Even director Roger Kumble has actually made a decent movie before (OK, I’m talking about Cruel Intention, but it was trashy good, at least). There is no excuse for the bad that is Furry Vengeance, given these arguments SOMETHING should have worked, some small scene or point, one performance to give the, “Well, at least …” award to, but no. even liking the animals is hard, because they don’t even talk and are sometimes just a little creepy. Poop and pee and crotch jokes are the level of funny, along with, of course, a lot of broad physical humor derived from pain—these aren’t always bad things in moderation or done well, but when they’re just not funny, they’re just not funny. I’m all for cutesy kid flicks with fuzzy animals, but one, kids probably won’t even find this all that amusing, and two, seriously, there needs to be a standard that precludes the all-encompassing, “But it’s meant for kids.” Kids have taste, too, despite the inexplicable popularity of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, and most know desperation when they see it, though they don’t know its name. Stay far, far away from this mass of mess.

It's Got: A cast of really good actors who deserve better, poop jokes, raccoons

It Needs: Better everything, To be avoided, A warning label of how bad it is


Don’t let anything that might make this movie look appealing fool you—even Brendan Fraser can’t save this zoo.