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Solaris (2002)

Uninspired Sci-Fi Sleepathon

Rating: 3/10

Running Time: 99 minutes

UK Certificate: 12a

Hollywood please take note! Just because a book can be made into a film does not mean every book should be made into a film. And that's certainly the case with Solaris. Based on the book by Stanislaw Lem, Solaris is a weak and insipid attempt at recreating the sentiment of a book about love, hope and the inner workings of the passionate human psyche (or something).

Clooney plays Doctor Kris Kelvin, a scientist who is contacted by his old friend and mentor Doctor Gibarian who is researching the planet Solaris from an orbiting space station. Apparently strange things are afoot and Gibarian begs Kelvin to come see for himself. When Kelvin arrives at the station he discovers that Gibarian has killed himself and that (aside from two very irritating characters) everyone else is dead.

But they aren't alone. On his first night at the station, Kelvin meets his dead wife Rheya (McElhone) who appears to have been recreated from his memories and knows nothing beyond her love for him.

Like Rheya, I almost wish I had no memory of this film. With such huge directors (James Cameron and Jon Landau), one would expect bigger and better things than this. Solaris basically consists of feeble dialogue and endlessly long scenes filled with constant visuals of the planet Solaris (and gratuitous shots of Clooney's overly clenched buttocks). Absolutely nothing happens and the supremely weak and feeble plot twist ending just raises more questions than it answers.

My only question was 'why did I have to sit through the 2 hours of this movie?'

It's Got: Pretty good special effects for the planet Solaris.

It Needs: For us never to see Mr Clooney’s naked bottom in a film – EVER again. EVER!


A complete waste of space. Literally. See it at your peril. If you absolutely must see George Clooney’s permanently clenched behind, then this is the movie for you.